When Someone Dies Young: Why It Can Affect Us Even When We Didn’t Know Them

By: Sara Moniuszko

Published: September 21, 2026

As Featured in USA TODAY

Michelle Smith, LPC, LMHC, LCMHC, was recently interviewed by USA TODAY about the psychological impact of losing someone young.

There are certain kinds of news that seem to land differently. The death of someone very young can be one of them.

Even when we didn’t know the person. Even when we weren’t a fan. Even when we have no direct connection to their family or their life.

We can still find ourselves feeling unsettled, sad, anxious—or thinking about our own lives in ways we weren’t expecting.

I was recently asked by USA TODAY to speak about this after the death of Presley Gerber at age 27. The conversation wasn’t simply about celebrity or grief. It was about something much more human:

What happens psychologically when someone dies much earlier than we expected them to?

A young death can challenge our assumptions about life

Most of us carry certain assumptions about how life is supposed to unfold.

You grow up.

You become an adult.

You have time.

You get older.

Eventually, death comes.

Of course, intellectually, we know life doesn’t always follow that sequence.

But emotionally, many of us still rely on some version of it.

So when someone young dies unexpectedly, it can disrupt our internal sense of how the world works.

It can make life suddenly feel less predictable.

And that can be uncomfortable.

Our brains really like feeling in control

One of the things I discussed with USA TODAY is our relationship with control.

Our brains naturally look for predictability. Knowing what to expect can help us feel safe.

When something happens that reminds us how little control we actually have over certain parts of life, it can shake that sense of safety.

A young person’s death can bring that realization right to the surface.

We may find ourselves thinking:

If this can happen, what else can happen?

What does this mean about my own life?

Am I taking enough care of the people I love?

What am I waiting for?

How much control do I really have?

Those questions can feel existential. And sometimes they can create anxiety that seems disproportionate to the event itself.

But the emotional response isn’t necessarily about the person who died alone.

It can also be about what their death represents to us.

Sometimes we’re grieving more than the person

There is another layer here that I think is important.

When someone dies young, we aren’t only confronted with the loss of a person.

We’re also confronted with the loss of the life we assumed they would have.

The birthdays they won’t have.

The relationships they won’t experience.

The places they won’t go.

The person they might have become.

And that can bring us face-to-face with our own unfinished lives.

We may suddenly become aware of how much we’re postponing.

How much we’re tolerating.

How disconnected we’ve become from what matters to us.

Or simply how much we love the people in our lives.

You don’t have to talk yourself out of the feelings

If you’ve been affected by a recent death—even the death of someone you didn’t personally know—you don’t have to convince yourself that you shouldn’t be.

You don’t have to say:

“I didn’t know them, so why am I upset?”

Our nervous systems don’t always organize emotional experiences according to whether something happened directly to us.

A story can touch an existing fear.

It can remind us of another loss.

It can activate anxiety about our own mortality.

It can bring up grief we’ve been carrying.

Or it can simply interrupt the sense of safety and predictability we were relying on that day.

None of that means you’re overreacting.

Come back to what is actually within your control

There is a difficult truth underneath all of this:

We cannot control every external circumstance or outcome.

We cannot control how long we or someone we love will live.

We cannot make life completely predictable.

And trying harder to control the uncontrollable usually doesn’t create the safety we’re looking for.

What we can influence is how we respond.

We can pay attention to what this moment is bringing up.

We can reach out to someone we love.

We can allow ourselves to grieve.

We can take care of our nervous system.

We can make a different choice about something we’ve been postponing.

We can ask ourselves what matters to us—and then begin moving toward it.

Sometimes accepting that we don’t have control over everything can actually create more room to live.

If this has affected you more than you expected

You don’t need to have known someone personally for their death to make you pause.

Sometimes a story simply reminds us that life is fragile.

And while that realization can be frightening, it can also invite us to become a little more intentional about the life we’re actually living.

If you’re feeling unsettled after a recent loss or news story, try asking yourself:

What is this bringing up for me?

Not What should I be feeling?

Not Why am I reacting like this?

Just:

What is this bringing up for me?

That question can be a much gentler place to begin 💚

This post was inspired by my recent interview with USA TODAY about the psychological impact of losing someone young.

Read the USA TODAY article:https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2026/09/21/presley-gerber-27-club-young-death-pain/91870462007/

If you’re experiencing grief, anxiety, trauma responses, or a growing sense that you want to feel differently—not simply understand why you feel the way you do—therapy can provide a space to explore what’s underneath it.

— Michelle Smith, LPC, LMHC, LCMHC

Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist