Candlelight Magazine Issue 003 'The Growth Issue'

By WAITING ROOM PUBLISHING CANDLELIGHT MAGAZINE ISSUE 003

Published: June 2, 2025

In this issue of Candlelight magazine titled, 'The Growth Issue" I discuss the impact of grief and loss on the nervous system, mind, and body and discuss how subconscious patterns and belief systems can form from loss also providing tips on how to navigate recovery on pages 6-10.

As an expert on grief. loss, and trauma responses, I also was asked to respond to Candlelight readers questions sent in regarding grief and loss and how to navigate the healing process in the "Dear, Candlelight" advice column on pages 44-46.

GRIEF ISN’T JUST IN THE MIND

Most of what the body does in grief happens

automatically—tightness in the chest, fatigue,

detachment, feeling foggy or numb. “The brain is

90% subconscious rewiring,”

Smith explained. “Talk therapy doesn't always target that. My goal is to help clients rewire their brain, to change their belief systems, to be able to actually feel better.”

Grief, she says, doesn’t go away. It becomes part of you. “But we want to decrease the intensity,” she added. “We don't want to have these ‘volcano eruptions' that I talk to my clients about. My goal is to help them calm the volcano.”

For some, it feels like being on a different planet.

Michelle Smith sees this often in her work, and there’s a reason for it.

“Essentially, when we have a loss or a trauma, what's

happening is our prefrontal cortex—it dictates all

your planning, all your judgment.” she explained.

“So then we are operating from the back of the

brain, which is the amygdala—that's sometimes

called the ‘lizard brain’—and it is truly just the fear

based center of the brain.”

When that shift happens, small things—an object, a

time of day, a silence—can feel overwhelming.

“Everywhere you look when you [feel as if you] lose

someone. Your brain is operating as if a bear is

essentially chasing you.”

Smith described it as the brain tagging everything

associated with the loss as threat. Even the most

ordinary reminders can trigger a wave of activation.

Danger can be anywhere. Danger is everywhere.

The first step, she said, is simply recognizing what’s

happening—understanding that this response isn’t irrational or wrong, but a form of protection. “We have to first off recognize that and then be able to work with the nervous system to remind it that this s actually not a safety threat,” she said. “It is discomforting. It is hard. It is challenging. But you can work through it. And that takes time.”

Read more at https://waitingroompublishing.com/collections/candlelight